Bizarro Post How Is This Not An Obituary Bureau- Having recited the requisite arcane incantations that mortal lips were never meant to utter, Billy Graham has clawed his way to yet another year of quasi-life.
Among the 800 attendees of this event will the be walking monument to unwarranted self-importance Donald Trump, and 2008 Commission to Elect Barack Obama spokeswoman Sarah Palin.
The event will be held at the Billy Graham Library, which is the centerpiece of the Billy Graham pilgrimage tour and pride of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. This multi-million dollar facility is a testament to the gospel of Christ, who told many parables about the importance of building a massive media and tourist empire devoted to your personal glory in the hopes that you can intertwine faith in Jesus with your multinational business venture and build brand loyalty.
Trivia: Graham's wife initially refused to be buried at the library, but eventually became too not-alive to continue protesting. There's also an animatronic cow. Because why the hell not?
Members of the media will not be invited. No word as to whether this has to do with his assertions about the "stranglehold" Jews had on the media, according to his secretly recorded conversations with Richard Nixon in 1972. The BGEA has apologized for these comments, citing that when you breathed the same air as Richard Nixon for too long a lot of inner demons tended to manifest themselves.
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