Angry Grandpa Revives a Piece of Beloved Americana

BIzarro Post Social Media Bureau- The Clifford family has spent the better part of a decade trying to teach their elderly grandfather how to write inflammatory opinions online. The reason? Clement Clifford currently uses a sign on his front lawn instead.

The best thing about these signs? No elitist spellcheck.

"You see that sign with the rectangular bumps and the dull yellow lights on top, and the first thing that comes to mind is a liquor store. Maybe a failing auto-body shop," says son Richard Clifford. "But he doesn't even run a business out of his house. He bought that sign from Harold's XXX Emporium when it shut down, and now he's out there updating it every other day."

Much like rusted car parts and weather-faded Fisher Price playsets, the interchangeable letter sign is the international symbol for impending failure. Its body may have been white once, but every model invariably curdles into a nicotine-yellow as the elements take their toll. Rambunctious teenagers have sometimes braved Clement's watchful eye to rearrange the letters into funny anagrams involving "farts", "jews", and "boners."

Clement refuses to take his relentless opining to the Internet, where it could potentially be seen by far more people than travelers that trickle down his rural street.

"I believe in doing things the old way, the way they should be done," Clement said, cradling an armful of letters out to his sign. "There are so many people on that Internet place, saying anything is like shouting against a strong wind. This is simple and memorable. Heck, when's the last time your news people did a story on someone who wasn't a celebrity writing something on Twitter. And here you are today!"

Shit, he's got us there.

Perhaps when we use Twitter and Facebook to express an opinion to the entire world, we're overreaching . We're attributing a sense of self-importance to ourselves that just isn't warranted. But this sign, this sepia toned, dingy sign filled with abandoned wasp nests has a role to play in modern society as well. It speaks to the community, where neighbors know each other by name. Where handshakes aren't an unimportant formality, but a gesture that crafts partnerships and friendships that last a lifetime. Maybe we shouldn't define the value of our beliefs by the hitcounts they garner, or their position in Google's index. Like the pioneers of the printing press, Clement's sign challenges him to place each letter by hand. There is no shortage of time to contemplate his message, no urgency to press send before the digital hivemind moves on. Each new message requires long and quiet moments of contemplation.

Perhaps that rusty fire hazard of a sign is more important than it ever has been. Tweet your response to the Bizarro Post, or write your opinion on an Instigram photo of your lunch and link us to it.