Bizarro Charlotte, NC (BP)- An 11-year-old child is being charged with felony child abuse for dropping his 6-month-old brother, leading to the infant's death.
"We hope that scumsucking piece of shit gets what he deserves in prison," said Detective Raymond Alderson of the Charlotte Police Department. "He just keep crying and saying that he doesn't understand what's happening to him, and that he wants his mommy. All that typical bullshit. Let's see if his tears stop the shivs from my Aryan Brotherhood buddies."
The child, whose name has not been released due to his age, has sparked outrage with his horrifically premeditated act of fratricide.
"Worthless degenerates like him make me sick," said local resident Clem Wilson. "And now my tax dollars have to pay for his elementary school education, his housing, his food! Here's a concept, America! Throw a tire over his shoulders, pour on some gasoline, and light a match. Problem solved."
The anonymous child's defense attorneys insist that their client is being railroaded into a felony charge due a tragic accident that an 11-year-old couldn't begin to comprehend.
Attorney Kendrick Muhammad has taken the case up pro-bono. "My client hasn't even hit puberty yet, for God's sake! His brain hasn't even begun to develop an adult capacity for reason. His voice is years away from changing. And now he's been placed into this hideous tragedy that could warp his mind for the remainder of his life. The mind reels!"
But the prosecution is standing by the charges, confident that they can give the child the harsh punishment that he deserves. Prosecutor Georgia Zizzman did not mince words on the matter when addressing the press. "These fucking punks....they always get away. They always get away with everything. Well, not this time. This time I'm going to put that little shit in the fucking ground."
Police representative Arnold Sizemoore intervened. "Sir, we don't need you to do that. Please, if you could refrain from--"
"Fuck off!" Zizzman shouted. "You're just like my wife! 'Georg-ie, stop yelling in my face!' 'Georg-ie, stop throwing gym equipment at me.' 'Georg-ie, stop making targets with my face on them!' Eat shit! I will END you!"
Those closest to the prosecutor insist that he is a gentle man who has strong regrets about having to prosecute such a young child for a crime he can't fully comprehend. But the state must "stand its ground" when it comes to prosecuting ruthless child-killing children.
We'll have more updates as the case develops.
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