Bizarro Post Obituaries: Actor Paul Walker, 40, died in a car crash in Santa Clarita, CA on Saturday. Walker is best known for his lead role in the wildly successful "Fast and the Furious" series, which left such an indelible footprint in American culture that the Department of Justice decided to name their Mexican gun charity program after it. He is survived by his daughter, Meadow.
There. That's all you jackasses had to write. It was really that simple. Yet somehow I ended up having to fire no less than fifteen editors for writing things like: "Police say that Walker was driving with excessive speed and ferocity, which contributed to his loss of control."
A man died. A father died.
"Oh boss! I couldn't resist! It was just too perfect!"
No, idiot, it's low-hanging fruit that spits in the face of journalistic integrity. And I swear to God on His golden throne, if I hear one more of you assholes misuse the word "ironic" I'm going to do things to you that will be unanimously condemned by the United Nations. Yes, that includes America and Israel., This is a coincidence, not irony. Goddamn Alanis Morrisette for what she's done to our society.
I'm disgusted by all of you. Do yourself a favor and avoid me for a few days.
No comments:
Post a Comment