Bizarro Columbia, SC (BP)- Following the South Carolina State Fair's decision to ban camouflage clothing, the attendance to the annual event has dropped to 0. Absolutely nobody passed through the gates of the fair, leaving vendors nothing but overhead costs to show for their participation.
"We really wanted to go with my children this year, but it's just not an option. All of our clothes are Realtree. I mean, it's South Carolina for fuck's sake!" said resident Cletus Harrison.
Prohibiting all camouflage, including digital and Realtree, has alienated a population that wears it almost constantly. Even though Dixie Outfitters and Big Dog t-shirts have a stake in the South Carolina market, they are merely the mashed potatoes to the camouflage's meatloaf. Having one without the other is unheard of, and actually illegal in a handful of municipalities in the American south.
"We had to make this adjustment to curtail criminal activity," said SCSF manager James DuBois. "Most criminals around here can be seen wearing camouflage of some kind. Now I realize that most people in general wear it, and I realize that not all people who wear camouflage are criminals, but I'd really be more comfortable if we didn't have a bunch of white folks walking around here while flying those colors."
Supporters of rights for camo wearing citizens gathered at a Facebook page suggesting the creation of an organized activist group, The National Association for the Advancement of Camo'd People. Northerners have directed a fair amount of criticism at the movement, however.
"So wait, these camo people get their own group to promote their interests? But if I created a group to promote glasses with ironically huge black fames, graphic t-shirts based off of real street art by Banksy, and skinny jeans with so much violet dye they have to be washed by hand over a hazardous waste barrel they'd want my head on a plate. Where are my special rights, you uppity Cammers?"
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