Sodd Tarnes is a professionally outraged pundit that frequents Christian Broadcast News and Fox News. His accomplishments include being really, really fat at one point and is deeply concerned about white people losing beauty pageants, but he's definitely not racist because I think he might have a black friend somewhere.
Soldiers attending a pre-deployment briefing at Fort Hood were told that Afghanistan wasn't what most Americans think. In fact, it was a training run to prepare American troops to throw evangelical Christians and members of the Tea Party into FEMA labor camps. And if there were any Christians to be found among the goosestepping Obamanazis? They'd be headed for the camps too.
A soldier who attended the October 17th briefing emailed me and identified himself as Lance Corporal Ura Fagot from the 4th Chan Battalion. According to this brave and honorable Fagot, the intelligence agent in charge of the meeting arrived at the meeting wearing a swastika armband, a banana hammock, and a pair of nipple rings. For half an hour, this agent of the Satanic New World Order condemned Tea Party Patriots and Evangelicals as subversives who had to be stopped. Ordinarily, I disregard emails sent from encrypted, anonymous accounts. But when I saw it came from a soldier, I knew that every word was authentic. To distrust a soldier is to spit in the face of every brave patriot who has served our country.
Attorneys with the Liberty Institute of Freedomy Justice have taken up the case of this brave whistleblower, though thus far he has only sent them photos of a crudely drawn smirking face. We're sure Corporal Fagot will rectify this technical issue soon.
"The American public should be outraged that the U.S. Army is leading a crusade against true American patriots," said LIFJ attorney Mitch Barry, a former Marine who would never forsake his sense of duty and justice for large payoffs from 501 C3's.
This Fagot told me he's terrified of being thrown into the Socialist Re-education Bunker beneath the streets of Chicago, but his "Ameri-boner" would not allow him to stand idly by and allow this injustice.
Another soldier who attended the briefing, by some strange coincidence, contacted me about the incident soon afterward. Private Rusty Shackelford insisted that as an evangelical Christian himself, he always carried "pocketsand" to protect himself from Obama's jackbooted thugs.
"This nation is dominated by the 'PC' police, who want us to have a seat over there in the partyvan," said Shackelford. "Real Amerifats have to take off every Zig, for great justice!" he continued, using some charming military lingo.
Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council for Familial Families, insists that the Pentagon is on a Atheist crusade to destroy Christianity. Or he would have, if the cognitive dissonance between troop worship and Pentagon hatred hadn't caused a massive stroke. Dun wrry beddy! it hpprns to theeee bessttt f us.
An Army spokesman at the Pentagon insists that there is no list of organizations that the military considers to be extremist.
"We're not entirely sure what you're talking about. And we definitely don't have any personnel at Fort Hood with those names. Now for the last time, you fucking lunatic, stop calling my house," said Ron Weisenheimer, public affairs director at Fort Hood.
I sent the public affairs officer a list of loaded questions and drawings of the Earth soaked in the blood of sinners, but all I received was an arrest warrant in response.
Who will answer for these crimes against freedom? Who will serve as an ambassador for We the People? My friends, as I sit in my jail smell smeared with my own feces, I plan to send a strong message to the Communists running the American government that true Americans will not relent until we are given the respect and autocratic authority we deserve! As far as I'm concerned, that's the only legitimate entitlement there is.
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