Bizarro Post Racial Justice Bureau- A minor-league baseball team is drawing a lot of heat for their moniker and mascot, but the Harrison County Inbred Horsemolesters are standing their ground against a growing tide of anger.
"It's reprehensible is what it is," said long-time resident of the south Betsy Cline. "They're taking this terrible caricature of me and everyone I care about and parading it around like it's nothing."
The Inbred Horemolesters are new to the minors, and though they've performed pitifully on the diamond, controversy alone has driven their brand to the headlines of whatever media outlet actually cares about minor league baseball. Their mascot Toothless Jim, whose cartoon rendition is the team's logo, is a 13-toed yokel wearing a filthy wifebeater and stained sweatpants. We caught up with him as he smoked something out of a broken light bulb.
"I've done had it with them folks and their ivory tower critimicisms," Jim slurred. "All them elitist city queers playing the race card and attackin' honest people of business like my employer. To hell with them!"
But southern whites show no signs of letting this portrayal of their culture go, vowing to boycott any business that dares to sponsor the team, such as Harrison County's specialty store Bed, Bathsalts, and Beyond. Manager Frank McCarthy was incensed at the attacks on his small business. "It's bad enough that I've got the DEA breathing down my neck over spice, but now I've got a bunch of race-baiting elitists to worry about? Give me a break!"
Are people defending the dignity of white southerners in the right, or are they over-sensitive persecutors of those who enjoy the casual racism guaranteed to us in our nation's God-breathed Constitution? Voice your opinion in our comments section!
(COMMENTS ARE CLOSED FOR THIS ENTRY DUE TO UNTIMELY DEATH OF MODERATOR WHO ACCIDENTALLY OPENED HIS OFFICE WINDOW AND ACCIDENTALLY JUMPED OUT)
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