Blacklist (NBC)- International fugitive and definitely
not a shameless Hannibal Lecter ripoff Red Reddington turns himself in
to the FBI, offering to help them catch a terrorist they believed to be
dead. The catch? He'll only work with rookie criminal profiler Elizabeth
"DEFINITELY NOT CLARICE STARLING" Keen. Reddington introduces Agent
Keen to a world of espionage and intrigue that links foreign insurgents,
organized crime, and top politicians. If she wants to unravel the
massive conspiracy, she has to put her life and job on the line.
Or she would, except absolutely all of this takes
place after Reddington turns himself in to the FBI. Being an
international criminal, every frigging thing he does is recorded. Before
the pilot episode is finished, Keen is reassigned and Reddington is
eliminated. The conspiracy remains hidden, all because this
mega-ultra-super-agent couldn't be bothered to arrange a meeting with
Keen without, you know, putting himself at the mercy of a corrupt law
enforcement agency.
Ironside (NBC)- On the mean streets of New York
City, Detective Robert Ironside is a reasonably capable cop who will
take appropriate and legal measures to see suspects receive a fair trial
by a jury of their peers. He and his pretty much okay team of
bureau-selected specialists will work about 42 hours a week to solve New
York's most moderately difficult crimes--and they never break the
rules.
Calm, slightly overweight and generally pleasant,
Ironside's never been known to speak without discretion. As a detective,
his instincts are reliable enough that his colleagues have to stay on
their toes.....would be what I would say if I were an insensitive
douche, because Ironside's spine was severed by a bullet two years ago.
Despite his disability, Ironside resolved to move at a brisk pace while
on the job by lobbying for ramps to be installed throughout the city.
Blair Underwood stars in a police procedural more modest and subdued than you've ever seen.
The Michael J. Fox Show (NBC)-Yeah...woof....you know, I hope it goes well for him.
S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC)- Based on Marvel's characters
that acted solely as comedy relief while the super heroes actually went
out and did stuff, "S.H.I.E.L.D." is sure to piss off comic book nerds
and bore the living hell out of everyone else. This Fall, ABC hopes
you'll accept another police procedural in a world of super powered
warriors featuring absolutely no super powered warriors actively
involved in the actual program. Clark Gregg stars, and Robert Downey Jr.
has agreed to make a 30-second cameo.
The Goldbergs (ABC)- The Goldberg family are a
dysfunctional bunch of wacky characters that constantly clash with each
other in this series that's pretty much exactly like ten other shows
that got cancelled in the last round of sweeps except it's set in the
80's. Happy Madison, Adam Sandler's production company, is at the helm
of this series in the same way Edward Smith was at the helm of the RMS
Titanic.
We Are Men (CBS)- Sorry Tumblr, misogyny is back in
full force this fall with "We Are Men". A group of four single regular
dudes grill various meats and drink sponsor-provided beer while talking
about how all of woman-kind is conspiring to make their lives a
nightmarish hellscape. Along the way, they'll meet celebrity cameo
actresses, sleep with them, then break up in a goofy way that explains
why they'll never show up in any future episodes.
Hostages (CBS)- Renowned surgeon Dr. Ellen Sanders
and her family are taken hostage by a rogue FBI agent. Join Jerry
Bruckheimer as he struggles to figure out how to extend one hostage
situation into a full-length season without the dramatic tension
becoming diluted after gun waving and threats made by the same
terrorists to the same hostages becomes boring and routine. Spoiler
alert: They get Stockholm Syndrome and everyone picks a hostage taker to
get married to.
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