Bizarro Tallahassee, Florida (BP)- A local man was seen outside of a Cracker Barrel restaurant fishing shirtless in a flooded drainage ditch.
The obese white male, clad only in a pair of cargo shorts and sandals, was seen earnestly attempting to catch fish in a stagnant pool of water as rush hour traffic roared by yards away.
"I've never seen anyone give less of a shit in my whole life," said one motorist.
Business was booming at the Cracker Barrel, as patrons requested window seats to watch the man "go." Manager John Sanford was all smiles.
"There wouldn't even be water in that ditch if the city would maintain the damn drainage system," Sandord explained. "The whole thing is just a big mosquito factory, but it's really pulling its weight today. God bless that crazy asshole."
The fisherman never spoke as he twitched a Texas-rigged scented worm through the brackish pool for hours at a time, his patience and diligence both superhuman and inspiring. Department of Transportation officials confirm that the body of water resulted from steady rainfall and blockage, but they did not want to risk unleashing gallons of fecal-contaminates into an already filthy runoff system. Beyond an assortment of insects, larvae, and fungi, life is not sustainable in the ditch. Fish are out of the question.
"But he's trying anyway," said bystander Ethel Page. "I see people clinging to hope where there shouldn't be any, and it just lifts my soul up to where I need it to be."
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