Bizarro Washington (BP)- As Secretary of State John Kerry makes the case for a military strike against Syria in retaliation for chemical weapon use, Republicans are demanding swift action and no action.
House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio), who has been in direct contact with President Obama over developments in Syria, voiced his concerns about potential strike plans.
"It's clear that Assad can't be allowed to commit war crimes with impunity," grumbled Speaker Boehner. "However, Congress must be given the opportunity to vote against and halt military intervention."
Both President Obama and the former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton used the term "red line" in regards to the use of chemical weapons by the Assad regime. The implication, later made explicit, was that a confirmed chemical attack would mean surgical strikes on high-value Syrian targets. Plans to assassinate Assad himself are not under consideration.
Top Republicans are holding Obama to his pledge, while at the same time condemning him for even considering making good on his threat.
"Screw it, we win either way," slurred GOP Chairman Reince Priebus, who is secretly troubled that no gift shops carry souvenir keychains with his name on them. "Syria don't win of course, but I think we can come out smellin' like the pretty roses p'littically."
A bi-partisan case is being made that the war-weary American public should have a greater say in what, if anything, is done to punish Assad. Such a process would likely delay an already overdue response, as millions believe that Syria is actually a bran-flake breakfast food with chunks of freeze-dried raspberries.
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