Bizarro Macon, GA (BP)- The death of convicted jaywalker Bradley Hitchens, 37, is being celebrated by righteous and intelligent news site commentators in Macon today.
The crime was first reported on BWMAC-TV during the 11 PM newscast, though details were initially sparse. Police revealed that a white male in his late thirties had been found deceased outside of Macon Steak and Bacon Diner. Facebook members were quick to send their sympathy.
"Prayers for his famly (sic)!" wrote Amber Watson, 31.
"So awful!" opined Timothy Johansen, 28.
Little did these kind-hearted people know, Bradley Hitchens was hiding a dark secret. In 2012, while in a hurry to get to work, Hitchens maliciously chose to cross the street in an area not designated for pedestrian traffic. For flagrantly spitting in the face of Lady Liberty and the very God that She serves, degenerate suckhole Bradley Hitchens was fined $50. BWMAC-TV updated their Breaking News Facebook page with this new information on the "victim".
"SCUMBAG STREET TRASH. Rot in hell feral thug!" frothed Carl Waters, 64.
"saved (sic) tax payur (sic) a lot of money putting him in prison. good ridence (sic)," raged Ethel White, 87.
"Hope they take his children out next lol!" mused RonPaul2016 Galt, 56.
Macon PD public relations head Lt. Mitch Daniels praised the response. "I'm proud to serve in a community that doesn't tolerate crime. A bullet's too good for scumbags like Bradley."
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