Thursday, August 15, 2013

Cairo: Military Melancholy as US Cancels Playdate

Bizarro Cairo, Egypt (BP)- Egyptian military officials have expressed "profound disappointment" in President Obama's decision to end bi-annual joint-military training exercises with United States troops indefinitely.

The announcement came after protest camps were dispersed by the Egyptian armed services using live gunfire. By Thursday, the death toll from intense street combat and strategically targeted journalists was well over 600. Despite the streets of Cairo running red with blood, Egyptian brass fully expected the international, cooperative war games with the United states to occur as scheduled.

"We have had complete support so far, why should we have expected this to change?" asked General Ayman El-Haddad. "Their tactical and weapons training have helped us a great deal in this campaign. We had hoped to learn more."

The Obama administration strongly rebuked that statement, asserting that using live ammunition to disperse protests has never been an acceptable tactic among American armed forces or law enforcement.

Civilian protests assembled worldwide to demand an end to the violence, and that the United States stop allocating billions in weapons and equipment for Egyptian military use. One such protest took place on the campus of Kent State University, where members of the Muslim Student Union and other concerned students united to call for an end to America's dubiously legal arms dealing. University police responded by firing beanbags, rubber bullets, and tear gas canisters into the crowd. Ten students were injured, and one bystander received a serious head injury after being struck with unidentified police ordinance.

"Who could have seen this coming? And on Kent's campus of all places!" shouted sophomore history major Maria Vecchio.

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