Magazine Cover Sparks Outrage

Bizarro Entertainment- A magazine cover has provoked outrage and calls for boycotts, as the publisher scrambles to clarify their intentions.

"I was horrified," said Ethel Hipbrittle, 93, from her room in Mercy Dementia Home. "How dare they glorify that monster with a front page glamour spread? Now who are you again, dear?"

The saga began when Mercy staff members decided to order prints of archived "Time" magazines and make them available to residents in the recreation room.

"We wanted them to be able to immerse themselves in a time period that isn't so alien. Even if they can't read anymore, the pictures stimulate their long-term memory," explained RN Ivana Gosmoke.

Hipbrittle was leafing through the magazines when she came across an edition from 1933. On the cover was a photograph of Adolph Hitler.

In a fit of outrage, Hipbrittle called her granddaughter and demanded that she tell everyone about the shocking cover "on the Internets."

She also asked why nobody ever came to visit her anymore.

"My grandma told me about this magazine called 'Times' or something," said Bella Hipbrittle, 17. "I don't read magazines or stuff, but I know you're only allowed to put sexy people on the cover. And Hitler is just so---ugh. Is he even alive anymore?"

Bella posted a Facebook status update that was received by her thousands of friends. Her viral post soon made its way to Twitter, YouTube, and even Instagram--where users posted tiny pictures of burning copies of "Time" with pretentious Photoshop filters.

Walgreens, CVS, and Rite-Aid moved quickly to pull the magazine from their racks. Several gas stations announced that they planned to protest the "Time" cover by stocking the latest issue behind their copies of Penthouse, Hustler, and Cooking with Paula Dean.

Managing Editor Richard Stengel was bewildered, posting a statement on the front page of the magazine's website.

"This issue featured an important article about the eccentric nationalist named Hitler; who had begun to rise through Germany's political ranks. Furthermore, it was published over 80 years ago. What the hell is even happening? Is this real life?" Stengel wrote.

The embattled magazine has its work cut out for it. Diligent bloggers have found more issues of "Time" featuring Hitler, Osama bin Laden, and OJ Simpson on the cover--which suggests that this controversy won't be ending any time soon.