Write a journal entry about a creepy computer programmer who controls a fleet of starships.
Log 2845
Apprentice Engineer Farn Edwards
Mining Fleet- U.S.G. Washington
It's been three days since the U.S.G. Von Braun was sabotaged by Frank the IT Guy. We've gathered some information, but our findings haven't yielded anything the crew can use to regain control of our fleet. If anything, the data only reveals more obstacles than we first anticipated.
Frank the IT Guy was an intern of some renown in he Geological Survey shipyards, right around the time I got hired on--working under a guy named Max Chen. Frank took the unreliable inter-ship communications software and created an algorithm to determine the packet size that would optimize data transmission. In layman's terms, the Feds didn't want to upgrade our shitty comm. hardware, so Fred the IT Guy polished our turd to a mirror sheen.
Oh, and he added a backdoor to the whole shebang.
"But I don't understand, Celestica!" said Frank over the Emergency Public Announcement System. "How are we supposed to deliver these muffins to the Magicorn Kingdom?"
For the last half hour or so, Frank the IT Guy's been moving all five crafts in our mining fleet; reenacting his third favorite episode of "My Tiny Horsie: Acquaintances are Bewitching". The EMPAS is the only way he can broadcast the dialogue to every corridor in every ship from the bridge of the Von braun.
I refresh the Darknet browser on my tablet and chose another mask for my IP address. The longer I use the same one, the more likely it is Frank the IT Guy will catch on. He almost certainly knew the Darknet well enough.
>Connecting to Secure Channel Ajfheuislajs.dark/irc/#wsh
>Connection established, Illegal trade is not permitted. Use a damn proxy. Safety is not guaranteed.
>Signed in as user EddyMuney
Encrypted IRC channels are the only way to communicate. Frank's constant navigational commands and video surveillance feeds dominating the bandwidth means voice comms. are out of the question.
EddyMuney> u there chen?
There was no telling how things are on Assistant Chief Engineer Max Chen's ship, the U.S.G. Gore. Apparently Frank the IT Guy was using it to depict a character called "Rainbow Slash", and apparently that particular Tiny Horsie zipped around in a way that was not hull-integrity-friendly.
Cmax> barely. no sleep.
EddyMuney> no kidding. breach?
Cmax> contained fr now. might have something.
God damn, Chen. You beautiful bastard.
EddyMuney> DETAILS. WANT.
Cmax> cams are not secured. frnk forgot.
One of the first things Frank the IT Guy did, aside from locking himself in the bridge after emptying it with a false evacuation alarm, was give himself administrator access to all the cameras. Every single room, latrines included, had security cameras. Our "privacy" was relatively safe since the latrine and dorm feeds were encrypted in such a way that security personnel could only view one sensitive area at a time. Frank had apparently gotten wise to the female crew member's strategy of using different latrines as randomly as possible to avoid his gaze; so he went ahead and used his special privileges to decrypt them all. In his haste, he must have neglected to restrict access to just the bridge of the Von Braun. Every security room in the fleet could see the feeds too.
EddyMuney> so you can see him?
Cmax> from security room yes.
EddyMuney> what good is that?
Cmax> he has to sleep soon
True enough, but he hadn't yet. Not once that I could tell, anyway. From 23:00 to 08:00, Frank the IT Guy began an extended political analysis--usually about the merits of Republican Ron Paul IV. And at 08:00, the Tiny Horsie time resumed.
EddyMuney> must have stims. he talks all night
Cmax> those are old podcasts. made me listen to the 1 he played lst night
Clever bastard! He probably has thousands of hours in nasal ramblings to choose from. As long as his voice droned on, most of the fleet's crew would assume that he was wide awake and tweaking on stim drinks. Suddenly, prior exposure to the bastard became an asset.
EddyMuney> what now.
Cmax> wait til sleep, then use escape pod to smash bridge.
So it has come to this. I wonder how they'd take the decapitation of a fleet's mothership if we ever made it home.
EddyMuney> are u sure. completely godam sure?
Cmax> that or the whole fleet.
Klaxons begin blaring, the hazard lights paint my dorm cherry-red.
"Escape pods are primed as follows: All available," says the ship's simulated voice.
Cmax> NO
EddyMuney> you too? CHRIST
"Escape pods will launch in--ten minutes--in the following order: All available. Escape pods will launch in--nine minutes and bypass. Escape pods will launch now in this order: All available."
The ship shudders as every single escape pod is jettisoned at once.
EddyMuney> theyre gone there too?
Cmax> yes. back to drawing board.
Cmax> shit
"Rainbow Slash, you've been so naughty!" Frank the IT Guy shrieked over the EMPAS. "As the High Unicorn of Horsestia,I banish you to the Kingdom of the Sun!"
There is a red dwarf about 1.7 AU from our position.
Cmax> course change. need go. bye.
"And you, Washington. You were plotting against your princess as well, weren't you? I can't abide that. Not in my kingdom."
The Washington's thrusters are fully involved in less than thirty seconds. The ship reminds me of the elevators at my father's office. He'd press the button for the top floor sometimes, even though we never needed to go there. And we'd put out our arms and fly, our stomac bewilered and floting somewhere benth our feet.
I miss h now. And i hot. God the hea
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