Bizarro Vandenberg Air Force Base- America's intelligence agencies thrust a giant middle finger towards its citizens and the international community by launching a "secret spy satellite" in conjunction with a full press briefing and photographs of the launch.
"Today's launch is dedicated to the men and women who think a privacy fence means they can skinny dip in their pools in peace. See you soon!" said a representative from the U.S. National Reconnaissance Office.
Seven minutes after liftoff, an media blackout was instituted. Yes, they are aware that publicizing the launch and blacking it out is contradictory.
"Because eat me, that's why," explained UNRO public relations manager REDACTED.
Delivery of the device into orbit was made possible by the Delta 4 Heavy, the most powerful rocket in America's arsenal. This mighty surveillance phallus dominated the sky and showed that Putin guy what time it was with its 2 million pounds of thrust (ladies~).
Unconfirmed sources tied to Julian Assange suggest that this satellite will have the ability to shine laser pointers in people's eyes from space.
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