Bizarro Post Scandal Bureau- After a series of racy photos were sent to various national news outlets, it is now apparent that Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) has been living a secret double-life as a straight man.
"The images clearly depict Graham engaged in sexual activity with a woman. They also do not appear to be doctored," said Excess Hollywood host Jim Twinkleteeth. "Combine those with the saucy texts, and there's no denying the authenticity of these allegations."
Members of the Washington establishment are tight-lipped about their colleague's heterosexual tryst, but pundits are speaking up.
"He can't be honest with himself and his family. How can voters expect him to be honest with them?" smarmed Keith Olbermann.
"This split-personality business undermines the credibility of Graham himself, and the party that he is so prominent in," sulked Andrew Wilkow. "Everyone knows he's gay, so just be gay already! Wait, no, being gay makes him a degenerate. But I've always been a vocal supporter of his policies, so he should keep being strai--I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT ANYMORE!"
Senator Graham has not spoken in person about the allegations yet, but his staff issued a statement on his behalf Wednesday morning.
"These preposterous accusations are tabloid trash, and insult the intelligence of South Carolinian voters. Senator Lindsey Graham is now, and has always been, a.....well, he's a man. A man who is attracted to.....humans of some persuasion," the statement read, in part.
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