Bizarro Post Internet Argument Bureau- As the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.'s "Dream" speech approaches, it's important to brush up on your inflammatory rhetoric so that you're prepared to show anonymous Internet assholes that you're the biggest dickhead of them all. Here are five great tips, followed by real-world examples from actual online communities!
1. "I have a dream that _____________"
If people remember nothing else about this speech, and they probably don't, the iconic line that became the rallying cry of a movement is easily co-opted into a vehicle for whatever political agenda you might be promoting. For bonus points, begin your post with "Oh yeah!? Well--" followed by your "remixed" dream speech. Another option is to insist that the "Dream has become a nightmare" or something similar.
Example: I have a dream that liberals will stop insulting Great Americans that only want freedom and prosperity.
Example: his "Dream" has turned into a nitemare for white working class americans.
2. Post-Mortem Puppetry
The great thing about dead people is you can rewrite their personality, agenda, and everything that made them who they were. What the hell are they going to do about it? Decompose at you? You can attribute any opinion to a dead person and nobody can prove you wrong, because they're dead! All they have are estimates based on that person's entire body of work, and who has time to read and comprehend books? Nobody! Be sure to proclaim the greatness of your stiff spokesman to bolster the credibility of the thing you're saying on their behalf.
Example: How many of you know MLK was a Republican? Think about it!
3. Denominational Domination
Arguments about religion are pretty much a given everywhere you go. A YouTube video about puppies? Religious debate in the comments. Amazon review of a One Direction beach towel? Religious debate in the reviews. This particular anniversary is advantageous because Dr. King was a pastor by trade. Now, you could look up what church he affiliated himself with and what his theological perspective was. But because nobody else will, you can freely use the late pastor's faith to promote anything you want. You can even use it to demonize a religion or sect that you hate!
Example: Martin Luther King Jr. was a sinister minister, a Satan-inspired impostor...NOT A CHRISTIAN!
4. I Have a Truncheon
Provided you're willing to express admiration for the deceased, the memory of beloved dead people can be used to bludgeon your opponents. It doesn't matter what King himself thought about your enemies, or if he even met them. It doesn't even matter if YOU'VE never met them. Bringing down the full force of Dr. King's credentials on your foes is a sure-fire way to get a few precious upvotes.
Example: Dr. King would be totally disgusted and appalled by the modern black civil rights leaders, Obama, and Holder INCLUDED. Dr. King wanted equality, mutual respect and understanding between the races, not hand-outs. Dr. King was a true visionary leader, Obama and Holder are nothing of the sort, the polar opposite of Dr. King.
5. The Nuclear Option
Oh damn, you were too slow on the draw! Now somebody's used the memory of Martin Luther King Jr. to make you look like a jabroni in front of all your faceless internet friend-surrogates. The only thing left is to go full scorched-earth and destroy their ownage at its foundation. Undermine the memory of Dr. King, and you can snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.
Example: Marchin' Lootin" and Killin' was also a communist....a member of sixty or so such organizations.
Example: King,the epitome of a media made icon.A man who's biggest accomplishment was the number of white women he bedded,a man who's only other discernible skill was delivering'convincingly,speeches written by others.Ironically,this is also the only skill that the current occupant of the white house exhibits.
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