Obama Promotes Literacy with Lashes

Bizarro Washington DC (BP)- In an effort to boost flagging American literacy rates, President Obama has announced a drastic new initiative to drive citizens to the book stores.

"There's no getting around it," said President Obama. "Americans just aren't making time to read anymore. That is, with one noteworthy exception."

That exception, of course, is the saucy novel "50 Shades of Grey", which has recently returned to the headlines after its popularity with Gitmo detainees. 

"We've begun hiring literary experts to revise many classic pieces of literature to include explicit scenes of sexual bondage and masochism," Obama explained.

The Obama Administration has released a series of modified classic books that retail for 2.99 as an e-book, and 4.99 for a paperback copy. Titles include:

- "The Great Fet-sby"

- "The Scarlet Ballgag"

- "Spankenstein"

- "The Count of Monte Fisto"

- "Slave New World"

- "Of Mice and Men"

Negotiations are in the works for reworkings of contemporary literature as well.