Obama Begins Transparency Campaign by Revealing FISA Court

Bizarro Washington DC (BP)- During a press conference Friday afternoon, President Obama promised to give Americans better insight into the way the National Security Agency's secretive system of data collection works.

First among the Whitehouse approved "leaks", an explanation and photos of the heretofore unseen FISA court, which issues warrants for seizures of phone and internet records.

The Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court consists of a single Magic Eight Ball wearing a powdered wig. NSA agents arrive as often as several times a day with lists of thousands of suspects who spoke, typed, or thought forbidden words.

"We go down the list and ask the FISA judge if we can have a warrant for each individual," said Agent _________ __________. "Occasionally he tells us to ask again later, so we wait a good thirty seconds a try again."

When the judge does not approve a warrant, the agents file appeals until they get a "Yes".

President Obama praised the system as highly efficient and important to the credibility of the surveillance program.

"We're doing this by the book," Obama insisted. "Nothing is seized without a warrant, and the FISA court follows the Constitutionally mandated system of justice. Until someone leaks information that proves I'm lying, this is the explanation we will continue to provide to the public."