Bizarro London (BP)- The world is responding with "Oof..." and "Ummmm..." as the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge announced that their child was named Prince George during a brief meeting with the press. When a journalist asked what inspired their choice, Kate conjured a royal cringestorm.
"We met a charming American tourist who seemed very pleased about something," the Duchess began. "I welcomed him to Britain, and asked what he found so pleasing. He told me about a brave American man named George Zimmerman who saved his neighborhood from a ruffian with dreadful intentions! In this age of increased vigilance, we hope our son can be just like Mr. Zimmerman."
The royal family lead an insulated life, particularly during highly publicized periods of maternity. Officials close to the royal family insist that neither of the royal parents were "up to speed" on American news. By all accounts, they remain unaware even now. Queen Elizabeth, away on holiday, was briefed by aides.
"Ew newwwwww [Oh no]!" was the Queen's response, according to witnesses. She has since refused to call her grandson until she can "sort through this lorry full of rubbish".
In the States, finding anyone with positive or critical reactions is nearly impossible.
"I...uhh....I think I better consult with some advisers. For a few hours. In this room," said President Obama as he scrambled into a panic room behind an Oval Office bookshelf.
"Oooooo. You know what? I'm just going to--you know--pretend this isn't happening," said Reverend Al Sharpton. "Just going to sit down and play some Angry Birds."
George Zimmerman himself couldn't be located for an interview, but we have received word at this hour that he has requested amnesty in Britain. He also applied to be a member of the famous palace guards--specifically the ones with the M4's and not the lame pikes that probably aren't even sharp.
No comments:
Post a Comment