REDACTED Furious Over CIA REDACTED

Bizarro Langley, VA (BP)- Pierre Monet (born Joe-Bob Riggs), was ecstatic at the chance to finally put his bachelor's degree in interior design to work after nearly a decade of underemployment [Editors Note: Any job's actually "overemployment" with that degree, am I right?]

His first client was the CIA.

"I was thrilled! The cavity search was a small price to pay for being allowed to work on this massive project," said the artist in an interview just after his hiring was approved.

For months, he labored in secrecy within the bowels of the CIA's notorious complex. Displays were built, plaques were inscribed and redacted, and artifacts arrived by the dozen. Saddam's mustache. Pinochet's child-sized iron maiden. Julian Assange's thumb drive of embarrassing fetish pornography. The _______________ used to____________John F. _________. All of these treasures and more were lovingly displayed by Monet.

"I was so proud. And the guys in the office loved it! They would stand around looking at the displays and thinking back to old times until they noticed I was near enough to hear them. Then they would shoot at me a little bit until I moved along. Real jokers."

But when it came time to reveal his work to the public, he learned that there would be no ribbon cutting. There would be no visitors, or press. When Monet threatened to tell the press about his display, he was involuntarily placed in a mental hospital due to his "wild conspiracy theories".

"It's not so bad in here," said Monet in a closely-supervised meeting with Bizarro Post reporters. "The people in here believe just about everything I say. I'm pretty sure I even saw my therapist taking notes when I talked about my masterpiece. Someone's going to blow this thing wide open. The truth is spreading more every day!"

Today the truth was casually revealed during a brief feature on the museum by Richard Engel on NBC's "Nightly News". When asked if the acknowledgement of the museum's existence proved the designer's "conspiracy theories" were all true, curator Toni Hiley shrugged.

"Never heard of him. Nobody here has. You haven't either," Hiley said before turning to the camera. "None of you have."

The staff of the Bizarro Post would like to affirm that we have no knowledge of any of this, and don't know who this article is even profiling, and please don't waterboard us.