Facebook Introduces New Button

Bizarro Tech Bureau-After years of resisting the constant demands for a thumbs-down button on Facebook, the social media titan has gone one step beyond its users expectations.

"Facebook has always been about innovation," said Mark Zukerberg during a press conference Wednesday morning. "Countless sites have thumbs-down buttons. Frankly, I don't think it makes a strong enough statement."

The young mogul then unveiled an easel displaying the new icon. At first, there were gasps.

Then, a standing ovation.

Anti-bullying advocates were quick to organize Facebook groups opposing the new feature, but so many users flipped the bird to every one of their posts that the entire site slowed to a crawl. The factions supporting the "Facebook Finger" were far more numerous and vocal.

"FINALLY. Grandma's about to learn what people think about her Farmville bullshit!" wrote one user on the "Bird's the Word" fan group.

Shunned into exile, the critics took to the airwaves and newspaper editorials to voice their dissent.

"This will create a new age of cyberbullying," said giant nerd and Chairwoman of Mothers Against Bullying Cecilia Crabtree. "The harassment is bad enough at school, but now it's going to follow them home with this vulgar new addition."

Facebook released a statement to critics within hours of rolling out the new button:

"Nerds don't have enough Facebook friends to worry about this kind of thing. And by showing them that society doesn't approve of their interests and beliefs, they can change themselves in a way that will make them more popular. We believe that these dorks and sluts can learn a lot from the reactions they get from their peers."