Bizarro New York, NY (BP)- Anthony "Carlos Danger" Weiner, now in a dead heat with Christine Quinn in the Democratic Party primary for the New York Mayoral (heh) race, has strategically released more pictures of his genitals.
"You know what? It's pretty clear I'm not going to win this thing," said candidate Bill de Blasio, who is now in fourth place according to most polls. "So let me be frank, I've got one word for these pictures.: Niiiiiiiiiiceeee."
Weiner resigned from Congress in 2011 after releasing his first series of pictures. While the public gave a firm nod of approval and a collective thumbs-up, Weiner's colleagues grew distant and aloof. When another congressman wrote a discreet note asking him not to return any phone calls his wife might make to his office, Anthony admitted that it had gone too far in his surprise resignation speech.
"I got the response I was looking for, but in doing so I've alienated myself to such a degree that I can no longer perform my duties as an elected official. Plus, Lindsey Graham keeps leering at me, and who the hell needs that in their life?"
After allowing America some time to take a cold shower, a confident Weiner emerged once again to stand proudly before the public as he sought the mayor's office in New York City. For some time, Weiner held a firm lead over the runner-up, Christine Quinn. However, voters in the Big Apple were becoming bored with his old material. As July crept on, Weiner's lead began to deflate until both he and Quinn had 21.7% of the projected vote. At the behest of his advisers, Anthony Weiner pulled out the big guns.
"I said that other texts and photos were likely to come out, and they have. All I ask is that the ladies please contain themselves. I'm a married man, after all," said Weiner in a hasty press conference.
Capitol Hill joined in on the conversation soon after the pictures went public, with statements from many of Weiner's former colleagues.
"Thish ish truly a shynical move that Anthony hash made," slurred Mitch McConnell (R-KY). "Beshides, ish all about how you usesh it anyway."
Nancy Pelosi, who was within earshot, could be heard laughing uncontrollably for several minutes afterward.
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