An Apology and Corrections

It has come to our attention that an article was published recently with a number of erroneous statements. Please refer to the following corrections:

-Queen Elizabeth does not lay eggs. Not recently, at least. She has never been seen twerking in public, now does she devour the flesh of suitors for nourishment.

-The suggestion the British teeth are terrible is an indefensible stereotype perpetuated by people who often see or photograph British teeth. We don't know why they would do such a thing. It's not very nice.

-While it is likely the Queen emits some sort of must, the pheromones involved have long since lost their potency. She does not have a thorax.

-The insinuation that British cuisine consists entirely of "tea and crumpets" is offensive and untrue. They also have fish and chips.

-Apparently there was only one baby of any importance born in London, and it was born to William and Kate on Monday. I assume that they're reality stars of some kind.

-I have been informed that they are not reality stars. In fact, they are highly paid individuals who appear on television to improve public relations.

The offending article was written and published by a rogue intern named Ralph Chapman. His name, phone number, and home address have been place on Craigslist by our staff for the sole purpose of warning the public against approaching this sociopath. He will insist that his internship ended in May, and that he was several hundred miles away from our offices on vacation with friends, and that he has photographs and documents that solidify his alibi, and that he successfully sued The Bizarro Post for "crimes against humanity". These are all symptoms of his terrible illness, for which there is no known cure. We ask the public temper their threatening voicemails and bricks through his windows with a sense of understanding and sympathy for this sick, sick man.