Veterans Really Show Hastily Assembled Barriers Who's Boss

Bizarro Washington, D.C. (BP)- Americans are applauding politely as scores of World War II veterans "storm" the memorial that had been closed due to the government shutdown.

The pilgrimage to the World War II memorial had been planned by the Mississippi Gulf Coast Honor Flight, a charitable organization, for some time. Unfortunately, the date of their visit ran headlong into a government shutdown that few believed would actual happen. Their arrival was met with small plywood barriers and laserjet-printed notices that the park was closed.

"I understand that there's some confusion about why an open-air park would be closed," said Ranger Carolyn Myers. "But it's really a matter of caution, especially since a number of landmarks were vandalized just weeks ago with green paint. We don't have the security and maintenance personnel to protect and serve visitors and structures at this time."

As the despondent skeleton crew of park officials attempted to explain the orders they had been given, a number of elderly veterans hobbled to the barriers and began to bump into them gently, valiantly mustering the five pounds of sustained force needed to move the barriers. Another grabbed a warning sign and crumpled it with a vengeance, sustaining major paper cuts in the process. Concerned about the potential for future injuries, the attending rangers requested permission to allow the group access. The request was granted casually and without argument.

"You thought you could stop me again, did ya' Kraut-boy!?" a veteran yelled at a garbage can.

Veterans and their medical attendants streamed into the park, facing a stiff resistance of nobody whatsoever because they had permission to be there.

"Yeah!" shouted a volunteer pushing a veteran's chair across an unobstructed pathway. "Twenty-three skidoo! Loose lips sink ships! Buy war bonds, or whatever!"

Victory in combat was the theme of the day, as the visitors relived their glory days fighting against an oppressive, fascist government; only with less screaming, dismemberment, and indiscriminate murder. It did, however, contain roughly the same amount of powerful sociopaths and white supremacists, as Republicans turned out in droves to pose for pictures for their next campaign.