Bizarro Post Social Media Bureau- Facebook fans are rejoicing today as the company announced that they were acting on constant consumer demands to allow the sharing of decapitation videos.
"It's been months since I've been able to share drug cartel executions with the family," said Facebook user Cynthia Waltz, who uses the social network to keep in touch with old colleagues and her adult children. "I'm just glad it's over."
It took months of petitions and viral videos from some of Hollywood's hottest names before Facebook gave their no-beheading video policy the ax. A number of brokers have suggested that Facebook's dismal performance in the stock market might have a lot to do with the chief executives burying their heads in the sand when it comes to the insatiable bloodlust of their user base. Shareholders apparently want heads to roll over this careless cut into their already small dividends. Despite past indiscretions, this new policy has brightened the outlook for Facebook on Wall Street and Main Street. Popular sites like Gore Palace believe Facebook has found the formula to get ahead in a crowded online marketplace.
"We're cleared for scimitar decapitations, saw decapitations, knife decapitations, and--my personal favorite--chainsaw decapitations!" cheered Gore Palace founder Teh Dark Brony. "We're working on a puppetry series for the kids that's going to really spread its wings on Facebook. It's like Sesame Street, only with more severed heads."
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