Bizarro Arapiraca, Brazil (BP)- Inmates are furious at an embarrassing plot to smuggle drugs and tools to them using cats. Guards seized a number of small cats with suspicious items attached to their bodies or collars, finding small amounts of drugs, cell phones, and small cutting tools.
"Why would you use a cat!?" shouted one irate inmate. "I call them, and they do not come. I try to remove the tape, and they claw off my flesh! They pee in my cell, and then they pee in the same place all the time! You can clean it, but they always know! They always go back and pee again!"
Authorities believe that none of the delivery attempts have been successful, and speculate that most of the cats wandered off to kill birds immediately after being released near the prison.
Prisoner 283945 points to the body of a dead bird laying on the floor of his cell, its entrails scattered everywhere.
"A dog will lick your hand, curl up next to you and sleep," said 283945. "But apparently this is how a cat shows its love. Screw this! Why can't they just smuggle with their rectum like anyone else!?"
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