Bizarro Post Internet Bureau- Five young men have been arrested for their participation in the Icy Hot Prankstas "prank posse."
The group became a fast sensation on YouTube, and were soon able to monetize their hit count until it became a stable full-time job. The Icy Hot Pranksta crew consisted of two camera men, an editor, and a pair of hosts that planned and executed the actual pranks. The two became notorious for pushing the envelope with each passing episode of their popular program.
PRANKSTA TIMELINE
-Ghostly Gallon Smashing: Gallon smashing is the act of taking a gallon of liquid in each hand, running through a store, pretending to trip in a dramatic fashion, and falling in such a way that the jugs smash and break open. The Prankstas' modified version used jugs of purified water, which was more difficult to see when spilled. Jimmy "Ice" Callum would often perform this act near senior citizens, since they were more likely to slip and fall. A successful slip earned the team more "Prank Pointz", a system they used to quantify the hilarity of their antics.
-Queen on the Throne: Using cherry bombs in toilets is nothing new. But in this stunning stunt that left a struggling YMCA building in ruins, the Prankstas ignited the fireworks so that they would go off in tandem with Queen's Under Pressure bass line.
-Ba-Honka-Honk: The Prankstas ignited a firestorm with this bit, which featured both Jimmy and Bud "Hot" Franklin on the campus of Eastern Kentucky University. Both pretended to study until a young woman passed by before sprinting after them, grasping both buttocks, and shouting "Honk Honk!"
The Prankstas, represented by celebrity attorney Ron Goldstein, barely avoided a landslide of sexual assault charges. Both were ordered to perform community service, which lead to....
-Suicide Icy Hotline: Jimmy and Bud both signed up to man the phones at a suicide prevention center to fulfill their responsibilities to the court. Since the call center was hard pressed to find applicants for the emotionally traumatizing role, the request was approved without delay. The Prankstas formulated a plan.
"My husband left me and my children while he was supposedly on a business trip! Our only source of income is gone. Just gone! My children want answers, and I just can't give them one. We're going to get foreclosed on any day now! I just don't see any way out."
"Well, m'am," Jimmy began, "we get a hell of a lot of calls on this very subject. As long as the kids are in your custody, they're stuck with you. If you're homeless, they're homeless. But if you're gone permanent-like, the state gets custody. And boom! They've got everything they need, reliable-like. Don't be selfish here, lady. Think of the children."
This was just one of hundreds that the two pranked, racking up a new Prank Pointz record before the day was over.
"Hey man. I'm ____________, a veteran who did a couple of tours in Afghanistan. When I was moving with this convoy, the guy at the front straight-up ran over this little kid. Boom, dead. Just like that. This man comes running up to us with this AK-47, and I had to do what I did. I had to waste him before he opened up on us. But if I was that kid's dad, wouldn't I have done the same thing? I mean, Jesus. What else can you do when you see shit like that? Is it my fault?"
Bud took this one. "Jesus Christ, I've fielded about fifty calls today, and yours is beyond the most fucked. At least the Nazis had the excuse that they would be shot if they refused to follow orders. You signed on a dotted line to volunteer. And what's the worst that would happen if you refused an order? Court marshal? Oh, so your freedom is worth more than a child's life? It's worth being a part of that obscenity? I think it's about time you took responsibility for your actions, shitlord."
Yeah, it kind of went on like that.
-Musty Gallon Smashing: Inspired by a recipe they read in Fight Club, the crew started gallon smashing with a bottle of bleach and a bottle of ammonia cleaning solvent in each hand. The Prankstas barely escaped justice by virtue of them wearing gas masks and using a new YouTube channel.
-Ding Dong Stab: The Pranksta Pair ran around a suburban neighborhood in southern Indiana ringing the doorbell and hiding nearby. When the resident opened the door, the Prankstas would leap from their hiding places with combat knifes and began "Ding Dong Stabbing."
"Pranksta Pointz! I WANT ALL THE PRANKSTA POINTZ!" screamed Jimmy, before licking his blade clean.
Furious troopers subdued the two men by plowing into them with their squad cars. An internal affairs investigation cited the officers for failing to use sufficient force against the suspects.
Jimmy and Bud are being held on $99,999,999 bond. The three crew members are being tried as accessories to suburban genocide, and could face as many as "a million gajillion" years in prison.
YouTube fans have created a petition to free Jimmy and Bud because they are "too cute to be guilty of anything." As of this writing, the petition has two-million signatures.
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