Bizarro Myrtle Beach, SC (BP)- Horry County, home to the tourist destination of Myrtle Beach, has passed two new ordinances that effectively ban strip clubs from the entire county.
"I'd like to think of this as a place for families," said a supporter of the new regulations who has God only knows what lurking in his hard drives.
Adult bar owners were also present to advocate for the continued existence of strip clubs in Myrtle Beach.
"I came to this place with a dream over a decade ago," sleazed Tiddy Bare Factory owner Lance DeSilva. "I had a dream where white strippers and black strippers could join hands, and also legs, and sometimes tongues."
Besides opposing the businesses on moral grounds, strip club critics contend that the bars have a tendency to raise crime rates and attract violent offenders to the Myrtle Beach area.
Under these new ordinances, entertainers are no longer permitted to be partially nude while on the job. Adult businesses also cannot be built within 1500 feet of a church. Gosh, shouldn't the people in the congregation be able to resist temptation a little more easily than that? Just throwing that out there!
Now that strip clubs are prohibited, Myrtle Beach's primary tourist industry will be golf. As for people who aren't both rich and white, there's meth, Spice, beaches that are mostly raw sewage, YOLO shirts, and a diverse, vibrant homeless population.
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