Bizarro Raleigh, NC (BP)- A Raleigh man has just successfully cleaned his loaded handgun for the 100th time without a tragic mishap.
"What can I say, I'm just that good!" said Joe "Sticky Fingers" Til. "I find the trick is to clean the trigger with a Q-tip. You get a nice, even oil distribution with the precision you need."
Til lives in a small second-story apartment complex, which houses many large working-class families. His own family includes his five children, who share a single bedroom directly across from their father's "cleanin' desk" where he services his 1911 handgun. Til's wife was lost when she was cleaning her own loaded handgun, only to have it discharge.
"She never did have the magic touch," Til reminisced.
Til insists that the gun never go without ammunition to keep the "powder dry" in the event that the forthcoming patriotic revolution starts outside his door. He's got his critics, including the families that live above, below, and on both sides of his two-bedroom apartment, but Til stands steadfast.
"The government gun-grabbers wish like hell I'd let my little sweetheart rust up," Til muttered as he stroked the barrel of his weapon [lol]. "But I've got hollow-points, a modified hair trigger, and a patriot's heart that can't be stopped by any obstacle. Not even my developin' Parkinson's."
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