Monday, September 9, 2013

DPRK Jelly Over Syria

Bizarro Camp 22, North Korea (BP)- Kim Jong Un arrived to laugh menacingly and pose for insidious photographs at Camp 22, where as many as 22,000 prisoners seem to have vanished.

"We have engaged in this great bloodlust, and we fart profusely at the imperialist west!" announced Kim Jong Un to frenzied applause that was entirely genuine.

America's intense reaction to a Syrian chemical attack that killed over 1,000 civilians inspired Juche leadership to use the sudden disappearance of thousands of political prisoners to one-up Syria's Assad. In the past, American attention has lead to Kim Jong Un and his affluent supporters receiving humanitarian aid and luxury goods in exchange for earnest promises to stop being dicks.

As for the vanished laborers, a top DPRK military official agreed to clue us in on the condition of his anonymity.

"I actually don't know where they have gone. We don't keep great records of that sort of thing, in honesty. However, when you are presented with lemons, it is in the interest of the people to produce lemonade."

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