Bizarro Post Media Bureau- Fans of being offended were thrilled with last night's Video Music Awards on MTV, which fulfilled their desire to be angry about things that ultimately have no effect on their lives.
"This was a great year for outrage," said Pastor Randy Maxwell. "I was up until two in the morning writing angry letters to newspapers and politicians. And just wait until you hear my next sermon! Nothing gets the juices flowing like some old fashioned rage!"
What MTV's annual award show lacks in legitimacy as a critical examination of artistic skill, it has always made up for it by infuriating countless people from all walks of life. It's estimated that anger enthusiasts represent nearly all of the audience still watching the VMAs.
The event reached peak obscenity when Miley Cyrus performed whatever it is she's singing now. Her performance included graphic pantomiming of every sex act known to man, the sexual harassment of teddy bears, and culminated with simulated intercourse between Cyrus and what appears to be Beetlejuice's douchey cousin. Plus, her mom was totally in the audience.
"This degrading performance insinuates that women are defined entirely by their sexuality," said feminist blogger who actually makes a living writing a blog Aneeda Sharkeesian. "The inclusion of teddy bears in a high explicit performance by a former child star also sexualizes children, which is never acceptable."
Actually, yeah, that was really goddamn creepy. What the hell, Cyrus? That's actually gross. Now I'M pissed at your stupid post-relevance flailing.For God's sake, talk to your frigging manager before you try to choreograph something again, you giant doofus.
Damn MTV, you're still pretty good at this.
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