Bizarro North Korea (BP)- When the ruling Juche of North Korea added a slew of Communist literature to their small list of approved reading material, they likely didn't anticipate the reaction.
"This is bullshit!" cried Cahng-ho Shin, a labor camp resident. "It says here that labor should control the means of production! Juche controls it all!"
Similar outrage is being expressed over Vladimir Lenin's insistence that Communism's primary objective is to provide citizens with "peace, land, and bread." With state-engineered famine ravaging the civilian population and constant threats of war, the Juche has failed to deliver on two of those promises. Though North Korea has large tracts of undeveloped land, subsistence farming is a common practice. Any produce confiscated by the state is not distributed to citizens according to their needs. The bulk of that food is invested in the military and the Party's highest ranking members; who also receive a glut of luxury goods from America and China.
"All of this talk about American decadence, and Comrade Kim Jong Un rubs elbows with basketball stars? He has a private water park, and finest wines? He accepts gifts from 'great evil' America?" shouted salaryman Chang-su Ko. "It smells of rats. There is no Communism here at all!"
Accusations of embracing neo-liberal economic principles, which are popular in capitalist nations such as America, have severely undermined years of brainwashing. Neo-liberal economies often end with a very small class of elites holding all of the wealth and resources, while the working poor are treated like disposable commodities.
"Communism in North Korea is as false as a Chinese DVD," said seamstress Byung-soon Tong. "We demand genuine Marxist principles. Peace, land, and bread!"
Dictator Kim Jong Un was seen pointing and nodding at a rice plantation, and has offered no comments to state press.
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