Royal Birth Delights

Bizarro London (BP)- Scores of excited Britons gathered outside Buckingham Palace as Queen Elizabeth went into labor early Monday morning. According to the official Twitter account of the British monarchy, the first thousand eggs have been successfully delivered.

"We're so excited! It's been so long since I've sealed a little bundle of yolk in its cell!" said Ashley Williams, 25. "I live to serve the Queen!"

British Life Cycle

-The Queen leaves the safety of her palace and begins an elaborate mating dance, which is remarkably similar to "twerking", in order to entice a British male. After conception is completed, the Queen nourishes herself on the body of her mate.

-In preparation for the next generation of British citizens, "Worker Brits" begin making a waxy substance by chewing up copies of The Daily Mail with their jagged teeth. When the wax reaches the correct consistency, tubular cells are constructed.

-After a period of gestation (can you say "baby bump"!?), the Queen releases pheromones that draws her subjects to the palace. While British citizens experience a primal maternal drive, tourists and immigrants tend to describe the hormonal cocktail as musty and bothersome. As the eggs emerge from the Queen's thorax, her subjects gently transport them to the hive. They are sealed in individual cells, where they feed on their yolk until the larval stage begins.

-The larva remains in its cell as it grows, and is reliant on the adult Britons for nourishment. Putting their mastication skills to work once more, the doting adults chew mouthfuls of tea and crumpets into a soft paste before it is regurgitated into the mouth of the hungry larvae.

-Eventually, the larva pupates and develops arms, legs, eyes, and a cockney accent. The young Briton chews its way through the cell wall and emerges as an adult.

Royal Rumors

A new clutch of eggs is exciting enough, but whispers of a new Queen being in the works are growing in volume. Queen Elizabeth, who has continued to fulfill her duties well into her senior years, may not be capable of laying another generation.

"We prepare royal jelly as a matter of tradition," said Worker Brit Gordon Nelson. "We won't know if it's needed until the Palace gives the word. I live to serve the Queen!"

According to attending drones, Queen Elizabeth is doing well and the eggs all appear to be viable. Egg laying may go on for as long as 48-hours, though the advanced age of the Queen makes an exceptionally large batch unlikely.