Syria-us Embarrassment for Hawks on the Hill

Bizarro Washington DC (BP)- Even as John McCain (R-AZ) and John Boehner (R-OH) join Secretary of State John Kerry in supporting surgical strikes against targets in Syria for Assad's use of chemical weapons, the coalition of hawks have hit an embarrassing stumbling block inadvertently dropped by the CIA at the worst possible time.

Recently declassified CIA documents provide details on the United States' role in Iraq's war with Iran in the late 80's. American intelligence officials provided President Saddam Hussein's Iraq with maps of high-value targets and troop movements. American defense administrators also knew that President Hussein had access to stockpiles of mustard gas and sarin, and that he planned to use them whenever he found it beneficial to do so. Not only were there no objections to the use of chemical weapons by intelligence officials, the Reagan administration chose not to disclose their use at all. *Sad tromboonnneeee*

"Gosh, this is embarrassing," muttered Secretary Kerry, dabbing sweat from his vast forehead. "Kind of wish they'd sat on that one a little longer."

Saddam's possession of deadly, inhumane weapons was a chief motivating factor for pushing the war in Iraq, even as the ground conflict in Afghanistan trudged sluggishly onward. If the failure to find the notorious weapons of mass destruction wasn't humiliating enough, President George W. Bush was surely aware that if Iraq had banned weapons, it was because America allowed them to freely purchase and use them while he was still cooperating with the CIA. D'oh! *Wah-wah-wahhhhhhhhhh*

"We're kind of hoping this whole story gets overlooked," said Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel. "Gadzooks, I sure hope Iran doesn't hold this over our heads!"

Yeah, about that: Another CIA document confirmed their already well-documented role in the Iranian Coup, which lead to rising Anti-American sentiments that ultimately lead to Iran's current theocratic and anti-west method of governing. They really should have "shah" that one coming! *rimshot*