"The View" Delights with New Panelist

Bizarro Television Bureau- In a decision that surprised absolutely no one, “The View” revealed that their vacant chair would be filled by British Professor Athene Donald, 60, who retired from her position at Cambridge University to pursue a career in television.



“I have not left my passion for experimental physics behind,” said Donald. “I consider this a new lecture hall, and these esteemed women are my capable peers.”



Professor Donald emerged to a standing ovation and exchanged embraces with her cast-mates before launching into a rousing discussion about current events and popular culture. The always-provocative Whoopi Goldburg was quick to put Donald through her paces.



“I read your research on the universal features in the structure of starch granules, so it’s clear you know your botany,” Whoopi began. “In the Trayvon Martin case, the defense cross-examined a key witness for the prosecution and insisted that it was impossible to identify the sound of a phone hitting wet grass with enough certainty to qualify as valid testimony. They portrayed this as a lie so that they could diminish the legitimacy of her testimony, obviously. As a person who has examined the relationship between synthetic materials and organic soft matter, do you feel that the defense was correct?”



That hot-button conversation segued into a discussion about what might be done to assist the wounded victims of the Boston Marathon terrorist attacks.



“Not to overreach into the realm of science fiction, but are synthetic augmentations a possibility for these people in the near future?” posited Joy Behar.



Executive Producer Barbara Walters was optimistic about the show’s future during our post-taping interview.



“We were sad to lose Elisabeth Hasselbeck to NASA, but theoretical physics was her passion. I had to let her spread her wings,” said a beaming Walters. “Athena is a lovely conversationalist, and you’d better believe she has a place in ‘The View’ sisterhood.”



The new cast of “The View” returns tomorrow with a discussion of Honey Boo Boo and protein aggregation.